A fashion and DIY blog becomes utterly pointless when one is trapped in bed, with no energy to create and no where to go but from the hammock, to bed and back again. Now, I could post “What I’m Wearing” but I imagine me in my tanktop and underwear would attract a much different audience than is my target, potentially including some internet stalkers who decide that I took those pictures for THEM and now the voices say they have to kill me…. I really don’t want that. So instead of messing around trying to make crutches look fashionable (impossible, FYI ) I’m going to just write. For me writing has always been a part of the healing process as nothing is more soothing than the feeling of pencil on paper- words flowing from my hand and heart into pages. Making feelings and dreams real and allowing me freedom from the weight of my thoughts. Writing is a purge of emotion and nothing else offers the same release. Little else offers the same freedom I feel when I write.. except for perhaps the feeling I get on a perfect ride. I think the hardest thing about this injury has been having to sit and do nothing while the world goes on, I feel left behind (although I KNOW I haven’t been) but not being able to ride my horses, or do so many other things that I love has been depressing to say the least. There is nothing I value more highly than my freedom, and now I feel trapped by my own body, and my own choice. Its a bitter pill to swallow.
I’ve had a lot of time to sit and contemplate lately, and I have the tendency to dwell and spiral down into thoughts of doom and gloom when I think about the world too much. See I lie there feeling sorry for myself cause I fractured my pelvis, and then I remember all the soldiers of the many wars in this world who don’t have legs, or even life. I remind myself that I have an amazing family who have all been more helpful and supportive than I could have imagined, and amazing friends who do things like bring me a bunny as a “glad your out of the hospital, happy early birthday present” and I know I don’t have it that bad. I am so fortunate for what I have when there are so many torn families, so much crime and separation of the classes, so much pain. Suddenly the pain of a broken bone becomes the purest form of agony and I find clarity in the many hours of stillness.
I think one of the main problems in this modern world is that no one ever really stops to just sit and truly think. So much is done with only the thought of a profit, and not a moment is spared to consider that nothing can profit without a cost. I haven’t been sleeping much at night, so I’ve been lying out on the hammock watching the stars and imagining what it must have been like to live in a different time, back before they named the constellations, when all you had to use to survive was what the earth gave you. It would be a time before everything had become polluted, a time of perfect silence, with no ambient light to distract from the moon and dim the stars, and you could look forward to a world of seemingly endless possibilities. When your family and their lives were your main concern and you didn’t have to worry about a world degenerating around you. It would be a time filled with seemingly endless possibility and wonder (or so my inner romantic likes to believe). I think about all this while trying to drown out the incessant HRUUUMMMMMMMMM from the deep-earth gas well they put in just down the road, which is a constant drone in the background and a terrible eyesore. Once I get on this train of thought its quite a dreary ride all the way down to environmental doom and destruction and by then I’m thoroughly dejected with the thought of the human race. We are so proud of our ‘progress’ and yet I fail to see the gain. All of our supposed “advancements” have ruined what was once a perfect land, corrupted men with the lure of too much money and too much power, wasted minds with reality television and wasted lives with wars over oil and land and profit.
We act like we’ve become so advanced as a people, but all I see is a society destroying itself in a world drowning in unchecked greed. People never take me seriously when I tell them I want to build a hobbit house and live there, but I mean it. Take a look around you, an honest look for once. Has man made progress? Our skyscrapers rise, as does the death toll, and the temperature rises as well, bringing the ocean up with it, and everything is effected by every choice that everyone makes. See so many people forget that there is always a choice. You don’t need to have the latest iPhone or the fastest car or the biggest mansion- all you need is land to live on, a roof over your head, and love in your heart. So many people forget that you don’t NEED to have the most, and it seems everyone is constantly trying to prove that they have the best, the newest, the latest. Morally and spiritually bankrupt minds spending immoral gains on pointless items that a child somewhere was exploited into making. And we are all guilty, we are all liars, cheaters and hypocrites, and so few are able to admit it. So few are willing to speak up despite ever mounting evidence of corporate and governmental corruption and abuse of power. As I lie there listening to the HRMM of this supposed progress all I want to do is burn it all down to ashes and embers. All I want in my life is my land, fresh air and clean water and when I think about the government and the oil companies having carte blanche to take that all away from me I feel so horribly depressed. Mega corporations make it seem like its impossible to ever make a difference, but we always have the choice to speak, its just that so few choose to raise their voice. If more people thought about the true consequences of their silence, perhaps that would change but I think the reason for our silence is fear. Fear of ourselves, our flaws, our nature, our potential and our failures. We are not our failures. But if we remain silent, our world will pay the price for our shortcomings.
This voiceless apathy is the curse of our generation and no one said it better than the brilliant American author Chuck Palaniuk
“Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.”
Now our war must be waged against our own apathy; we must fight against our greed, our ignorance, our blindness. We must fight for our souls, our land, water, air and most importantly, for our freedom. And we might need to fight against our reflection, staring at us with doubtful eyes and sealed lips. But do not look in the mirror and tell yourself that the choices you make don’t matter, that you are a grain of sand in the ocean and that your voice is silenced by the crashing of the waves. You are silenced only by yourself; your fear and your apathy. Why are we afraid to stand up to our government and demand better regulations? Why are we shamed and cast as the conspiracy theorists for questioning the oil giants? But most importantly, why do so few care about the total destruction of our world? And do not fool yourself- its not hyperbole, its not an exaggeration, the truth is that every single day we destroy more and more of the eartch and the day is rapidly approaching where we will go too far. We are so advanced and yet rely almost entirely on a non-renewable resource. The day will come when there is nothing left to take, and then we shall face our reckoning. Unless today, you decide to actually make a change.
Start by educating yourself, and please, if you have even the slightest interest in the subject (which, if you live on this planet I sincerely hope that you do, as this concerns all of us) then you must read “It’s the crude, Dude” by Linda McQuaig. She takes on the topic of oil, gas and government with absolutely brilliant style. She doesn’t so much dissect the topic, but rather eviscerates the oil companies with her extensive research and fact checking, set to a sarcastic and amusing tone. She takes a topic that in the wrong hands could be deadly dull and turns the industry into a farce, leaving me laughing at the audacity of it all and yet simultaneously forcing me to address questions many would prefer to leave unanswered. If one day I could write as well as Linda McQuaig I would feel as though my life was complete, she is my hero. And I truly believe that if it was mandatory for everyone in the world to read this book, that it might be taking the first step towards progress.
As well, if you are further interested in the topic, or wondering why I seem to have such personal venom towards the industry, check out the Burning Water page by clicking the link at the top of the page or on the photo below, and if you have the opportunity to watch the film I highly recommend that you do. I should have said that Linda McQuaig is one of my heros, because the other is my mother. She was the one who taught me to always speak out for my believes, and to have a global world view. Her example, her courage to allow a film crew to follow her journey- in the hopes that perhaps someone might see it and really understand what we went though, and more importantly what is already happening all around us. Well, there is nothing on this earth that has inspired me more than that. She taught me that doing nothing can be the greatest crime.
We went to Toronto’s Eco Film festival together when Burning Water came out.
Proudest moment of my life watching my Mum on stage speaking so passionately.
I always view her though heart shaped glasses. xox, aiyana.