Happy New Year

I ended 2012 on a high note, & started 2013 in style rocking these HOT PINK SHORTS!

city style high waist pink shorts black lace and tights

top, tights, boots – le chateau  * shorts – finders keepers

Something about a new years outfit is always extra special, and I was SO excited to finally wear these shorts. I found them online browsing sometime in the beginning of 2012, and immediately added them to my wishlist. I often online shop if I cant afford to shop for real by wishlisting every lust worthy item I find and then slowly narrowing them out until I decide to order. The second I saw them, I NEEDED THEM, they had everything I wanted in a pair of shorts, everything. But they were listed at something ridiculous like $130.. no thank you. Fast forward a few months and I revisited my favourite online shopping site misskl.com (the ladies version of karmaloop) and lo and behold, the shorts popped up again, only this time, they were on sale! I ordered without another moments hesitation and threw in a pair of converse that were on for half off just to make shipping worth my while… it seems a waste to only ship ONE thing, right? Including shipping, the shorts and the sneakers my total bill was ~$70. Not bad considering regular price converse are $65 ..you just can’t say no to savings like that, especially since you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your couch to get it! At least I certainly can’t.

converse low tops blue super low riders baby weiner dog puppy chewing sneakers

Online shopping is always a bit of a roll of the dice, and high waist shorts can be difficult to fit at the best of times.. but sometimes you get lucky, my goodies arrived (shipping was quite quick, less than a week!) and they fit perfectly. I love karmaloop, if you’ve never shopped with them, try it out. Every time I’ve ordered shipping has been fast – less than 2 weeks for regular post (and often free with special discount codes), I like ordering online as well because its SO easy to save money by shopping clearance sections and looking for extra discount codes. They sell many quality brands for WAY less than retail price, the first thing I ordered was a matt + nat bag that was 75% off!!

Last night was an amazing night for me, not just because I had amazing shorts, and not because of any particular excitement over the venue, but because I spent it with a boy who is stealing my heart.

I said before, 2012 was the most challenging year of my life but I go forward to 2013 with hope. The lesson that kept coming up last year, the solution to all of my problems, was to follow my heart and face adversity with love, rather than anger. When I was laid off it was the push I needed to actually go back to school and find a “career”, it also got me blogging, which got me writing regularly- my true passion. When I broke my pelvis it brought me closer to my family, needing them for everything after being self reliant for the past 4 years. When my ex cheated on me it gave me reason to leave without ever having to question my decision- I clung to our relationship for a long time, how to let go of that first love? They say love is blind and its truly the only explanation for me overlooking all his shortcomings- I loved him, and I hoped through our entire relationship that one day he might grow up and learn respect, but in truth though I was blinded by the flash of first love, tethered by past history and didn’t realize until after we broke up how incredible manipulative and truly thoughtless he really was.

It is one thing to say face adversity with love over anger, but quiet another to be able to do so.

I have never been one to let go of anger, I struggle every day trying to quiet the rage inside of me. Its not even that I am angry with individual people, more so, I am angry at humanity collectively for all of our failings. I struggle every day to let go of my anger and move forward with love. There are so many reasons in the world to be angry, but the anger that is the most crippling is the pain of betrayal at the hands of a loved one. There are a million injustices in the world but hurt caused by someone you love and trust is the kind that breeds a deep anger I still have not learned to let go of. Forgive and forget is impossible for me, there are things that happened to me years ago that I am still angry about. Some things are unforgivable, and some wrongs will never be forgotten, but what I realized in 2012 is that maybe its okay that I can’t forgive, its okay to stand up and say I DESERVED BETTER, and then walk away. Last year I walked away from my first love and a very close friend. There will always be a hole in my heart where they used to fit, but I realized with both of them that I was clinging to the relationship because of who I wished they COULD be.  I had to let go when I realized that the patterns of abuse were unchanging and that neither of them would ever treat me with the respect I deserve.

When you trust someone with your heart, you give them the most important part of you.

I was afraid to trust another man with my heart after the first so blatantly took it for granted, I tried to keep my distance and planned to stay single for quite a while, but life very rarely goes according to my plans. Despite my attempts to guard my heart, I found myself with someone who was actually willing to put in an effort, who seemed to actually care, and who was actually interested in me as a person. (Honestly I cannot stress how low the bar was set in my last relationship, that all three of those aspects were lacking..) Despite my trepidation, my hesitation and attempts to play it cool I failed in the best way possible and completely fell for him.

     quote life isnt complicated find what you love sons of anarchy gemma teller quote lovezooey dechanel quote love heart fear

In 2012 I realized I deserved love, not the shallow impression I had of it but real love, characterized by mutual respect and adoration. A midnight kiss and a few whispered words usher in new hope this new years.

WE ACCEPT THE LOVE WE THINK WE DESERVE

I hope 2013 brings new beginnings and hope for each of you. Fill the upcoming year with love and let go of past pain. You deserve it.

love, aiyana

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