Be Mine

ALONE AGAIN ON VALENTINE’S DAY?

don’t sit around & cry over it, dedicate the day to YOU!

Rather than waste your time, energy and emotion on focusing what you do not have (in this case, somebody to love) this Valentine’s Day pledge to love yourself.

Valentine’s Day may be the ultimate Hallmark Holiday, but it seems to me that many people let it get to them a great deal more than it should- either with ridiculously high expectations, or a profound hatred for the day, which everyone attributes to said person being bitter and alone, anyways.

 The point being, take a moment to imagine the sheer amount of energy that goes into V-Day, it must be phenomenal!   Think of the time and energy wasted by how many millions who spend the day wallowing in their miserable solitude. Think of all that could have been accomplished instead!!!

An absolutely unbelievable amount of time, money and energy are spent on Valentine’s Day.. all in the name of love and romance.  It seems the obvious must be stated here; a significant other should love and romance you every. damn. day. if they want to stay significant for very long!!!

Of course, it is lovely to have a special day to make a fuss of your lover, and show them just how much they really mean to you. That’s the key word here, really, its like Valentines day is some kind of level-up love competition, where everyone tries to outdo everyone else just to PROVE their love. Its ridiculous, and for those forever alone-rs (you aren’t actually) it gets depressing to hear about the fabulous ways everyone else is celebrating their love.  It’s easy to fall back into the mantra of “oh poor me” when you hear about all those lovely things everyone else is getting, but what you must remember is that comparison is the thief of joy.

Why does one day have the power to send so many into pieces?  Would I be miserable on Christmas if I was not a Christian? No. So why are so many miserable on Valentine’s because they have no Valentine? Perhaps because it feels so isolated and exclusionary; you are alone, and this reflects as your personal failure as a human being.  This feeling goes way back down to the basic biology of it- you’ve failed to find a mate, you’ve failed to propagate the species, you’ve failed to carry on you’re genetic line. You may think it’s not that simple, but I assure you, it is; a biological urge drives each one of us to seek out a suitable life partner. However in seeking our better half, we very often forget that the other half, our self, is even more important. We are stuck in the belief that being alone on Valentine’s Day reflects as a personal failure, when this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

quotes, love, true love, self, worth, find, heart, handwritten, note

Obviously this idea has been on my mind lately, I wrote this (and posted on my instagram @aiyanajanee) back in January.

oscar wilde quote love alone

Take a good hard look at yourself- recognize and accept what you cannot change, strive to grow anywhere you can, and find the strength to let go of the people or things that give nothing back. Have the strength to be certain of your worth, be clear about the treatment you expect and deserve, and do not accept being treated badly.

Every moment in life is a choice, many of them are unconscious decisions we make as creatures of habit.  Become conscious of the choices you’ve made to get you where you are. Are you happy here? If the answer to that is truly no, then you are the only one person in the universe with the power to change that.

Happiness is perception, comparison is the thief of joy and awareness is the only way to change perception.

So stop looking and looking for that “better half” hoping to find them and live a fairy-tale life  instead, search for your own happy ending, your fairy-tale, and you’ll find the prince somewhere along the way.

lots of love, xo aiyana jane

Resolutions

A few years ago I resolved to stop making New Years resolutions, and its been about the only New Years Resolution I ever stuck with..

What I realized when I made that resolution was that if I choose to attempt something out of an obligation, rather than a true commitment that I would always fail. Setting a goal on January 1st to change all your bad habits is a bad habit in itself. Something like 10% of people actually stick with their New years resolutions, an embarrassingly low figure but entirely understandable. The problem is setting goals for ourselves that doom us to failure- resolving to never eat chocolate again.. really, who are you kidding?

Rather than make a half-hearted New Years resolution to change, make a resolution to focus on living better in the day to day. Focus this year on small every day changes that build you as a person. Focus on attainable goals that will bring you joy, rather than extravagant resolutions that bring only failure. Focus on finding yourself- find what you love and run to it, surround yourself with positive people who treat you with respect, and treat other with the kindness you expect in return. In your every day dealings strive to act with integrity, empathy and understanding. Remember that every pair of eyes sees the world differently, and that some have seen terrible things. If the eyes are indeed the window to the soul then look for the good. Focus on the little things and suddenly then the big picture is no longer so daunting. Banish negative thinking with positive attitude, don’t complain, make the change- you are responsible for your happiness.

Life often seems to linear, but with each New Year it becomes clear that a life isn’t a line of choices made one after another leading to either success or failure, but a cycle of repeating patterns based on our actions as creatures of habit. Our success or failures are only defined by others if we allow them to be. You are an individual, and who but you could know what is best for yourself? Each of us is an amalgamation of our own personal history- we are who we are because of who we made ourselves, so rather than try to find someone to fix you, find the strength in yourself to be who you want to be. It okay if you make mistakes along the way, its okay to fail, as long as you do not define yourself by your failures. Its okay to be wrong, but have the strength to admit when it is so and the ability to apologize and move forward.

xo, aiyana

Some believe it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.

goodbye 2012

I really meant to have a NYE post for you lovely readers, but my the holidays turned out to be a great deal busier than I anticipated and I didn’t get it together.. whoops!

This year I have found myself focused so entirely on the importance of family, and so rather than blog and take outfit photos I was spending time with my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, my brothers, my parents and my friends- the family I choose. The closest my little atheist heart comes to believing in God is when I think about how lucky I am to have such an amazing family. I  am so blessed to have such a supportive, loving group of people at my back, I could never have made it through 2012 without their help.

This was a very difficult year for me, one I have to say I am happy to see the end of.  I was reading my cousins blog, and she posted ” Remember! Every year must end with the feeling that you never had such a good year.” A lovely sentiment to be sure, but sometimes years go by where things just seem to be going badly despite your best efforts.

That positive attitude however, seems to be a distinctly Danish trait from my personal observations. I am so glad to have that Danish heritage behind me, my grandparents came to Canada after they were married to raise their family. The Danish have been ranked as the “happiest” people on earth, but I doubt they are any happier than any other first world countries, it is the cultural attitude that the Danes have that makes the difference, a strong belief in the value of hard work and a positive attitude. I’ve learned so much from my Grandparents, and feel still that there are so many stories left to hear, that I would much rather spend my time with them than primping, shooting, editing and posting. They have always instilled in us the importance of being happy with what you have. As I write this there is Rice Pudding on the stove upstairs and my Grandparents are due to be here any minute.

This year I have felt within me an urgency to be with my family, thinking back I wonder if everything that happened was only to bring me closer to them. 2012 was NOT a banner year for me, and no amount of my Danish heritage can put a positive spin on it.

First I was laid off, then weeks later I discovered my (ex)boyfriend of nearly 5 years had been extensively browsing the craigslist personals section. Jobless, suddenly single and homeless, I moved back to my parents farm. It was lovely to be home in the countryside and I spent as much of those early summer weeks swimming and riding. Then on July 15, 2012, a week before my champagne birthday, I was riding a friends somewhat unruly mount when she reared over and landed on me, crushing me beneath her and fracturing my pelvis in two places. I was bedridden for weeks, and unable to go to school in September as had been my original plan. Since breaking my pelvis I’ve suffered a streak of minor injuries, it seems excessive and I am hoping for a respite. I had an eye infection, dislocated my knee, a painting fell pointy side down and landed on my forehead (you can still see the dent!), I also accidentally gave myself a black eye and most recently, I fell down my stairs and popped the bursa sack in my elbow. I’ve been joking with my family and friends that I only had to make it to the end of 2012 and my accident streak might end, I hope that proves to be the truth! Once I was healed enough, I went back to working at the Rosebud Theatre, and found a legal administrative assistant program at a different school, Robertson College, that started in November.

This year as I said, has been full of challenges but it is the attitude with which we face our struggles that will define our happiness. I’ve been back in Calgary for a couple months now, so being home over the holidays was a welcome change of pace. Though so many things went “wrong” for me, I feel that without those obstacles I would never have found the strength in myself to overcome them. The greatest obstacle is not physical, but emotional, and to the detriment of your heart some times you find out who people really are.  In 2012 I had to let go of a few people who I loved deeply because I finally realized their treatment was not reflective of my treatment of them. As the year comes to a close I look at myself from where I was last year and cannot help but feel pride, because throughout the difficulties, despite sometimes feeling like it was completely hopeless I am the happiest now that I have ever been.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

in 2012 I finally realized I deserve to be loved and treated with dignity and respect. It seems so obvious but “love” is not always true even if spoken aloud with a great many assurances. Words, I believe, are the most powerful tool man has but so often we forget their power, and too often is the truth drowned out by other voices. Love loses its value when people forget that without respect, love is as empty as their words.

This year, for all my trials, I am fortunate to have finally realized my personal value. To those who value themselves, it seems obvious, but there are many who feel worthless, an existence without purpose or love is empty. Questioning the point of your own existence can be a dark path to wander down, but when you find the light, the reason for your search and your purpose,then suddenly the darkness is nothing. It is not the dark we fear, it is the unknown. As a young adult there is so much left unknown, and an immense pressure it put on young people to figure out what to do with their lives, when I graduated high-school I was entirely in the dark, and being asked by every adult what my life plan was was about the least helpful thing of all time. The years I spent after school- working for a company that threw me under the bus as soon as it became convenient, living with a boyfriend who treated me like his personal servant, hiding in the city from the people who would ask me what I wanted to do with my life. I needed those years, those experiences, those revelations- that painful realization that love is not always enough, before I could find the truth in my own heart.

The most important thing to remember, is that without those you love you have nothing. Often over the Christmas holidays I find myself disgusted with our consumer based culture- hoards of people trampling one another on boxing day to save a few dollars. Materialism, consumerism, selfishness and thoughtlessness drive the economy along while family falls to the wayside. Love and family, not material things, are the most important part of life. Part of the urgency I feel to be with my family stems from confronting the impossible- my grandparents both have Cancer. It makes me sad when I speak with people for whom visiting their grandparents is a chore, because for me it has always been one of the greatest joys in my life. How can I think of my personal vanity when I am facing the reality of their mortality? They will be my first priority always, and I find myself wishing for more time. More time to blog, more time to spend with them, with my friends, or family, more time for me, for doing nothing, for doing everything. Time is a fickle thing, moving forward in leaps and bounds- perfect moments that last forever and the rush of time lost in the menial monotony of the day to day.

One thing is certain, every second that goes by is a moment of your life you will never get back. As the last seconds of 2012 tick away I find comfort in the belief that though 2013 will undoubtedly bring with it a whole new series of challenges, each one will be another opportunity for growth, a catalyst for change and an opportunity for something new and better. The new year represents new hope, and it is my hope that each of you may find your purpose, a lightness within your soul that allows you to shine. Every life has darkness in it, if you find yourself feeling as though nothing has changed, as though you are stuck in a hopeless place that seems inescapable, search within your heart and make the changes that will make you happy. As individuals we control our fates, and though we should try to strive to be decent, in our failings we must have empathy for others. Remember that a single kind word can make the difference in someones day, and a single hurtful slur can shatter a heart. Your words have power, your heart has the truth, your mind has value and it is up to you to find your voice.

I wish you peace and love in 2013

xo, aiyana

All Moved In

Well, I’m all moved in! Classes begin Friday morning and I have been job hunting like crazy these last few days! I’m feeling so thankful and excited to be  living with a family friend who is honestly one of the most interesting and inspirational women I know! I thought you might like to see my new home, so here’s the virtual tour!

Welcome to my humble abode, come on down!

Sitting Area, featuring the one and only Cedric Diggory!

The view from Cedric’s Cage. Note the giant bowl of candy. This is my happy place.

The study area. Elephants never forget, hopefully I wont either?

I get to fall into this comfy bed after studying my little heart out!
Check out the body pillow case I made! (Its leopard print, of course!)

In the morning when I finally roll out of bed, I go straight to the makeup counter to beautify!

Re-purposed Secretary Desk to Makeup Counter. Click to DIY!

lipbalm and gloss, eyeliners & mascaras, lipstick and stain

eye shadows + lotions + hair care + perfumes

And of course, the most important part of any fashionista’s home- the closet. Isn’t it beautiful!?

Boots + Sweaters + Denim = Fall Essentials

And finally, the most amazing part of the whole house is the yoga studio! Beautiful.
How lucky am I to live with a woman who has a whole ROOM devoted to yoga?! Love.

I always feel more settled once my home is organized, decorated and clean.

Having art on my walls and animals in my room makes it feel like home!

I’m really hoping that after the last few months of seemingly never ending bad karma that now things are going to change! I feel like this is a step in the right direction that I’m so glad to be taking. I’m really excited to be moving forward, and even if karma decides she’s not done with me, I’m ready for another round! When things seem to be piling up against you, and like nothing is every going in your favor, the only thing that can make it worse is if you believe that to be true. Believe in your strength, know yourself, stand true to your beliefs and celebrate the ordinary things every day. Be happy for what you have, but never settle for less than you deserve. Strive every day, work hard every day, learn something, make something, be a good friend. Eventually what you put in will come back out. Remember, everything will work out in the end. Find what you love.

xo, aiyana